Dorian Gray's Last Chapter

Evolution Part 2

2009-04-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

Our consciousness is an accident of evolution. There is no greater purpose or meaning to our self awareness. Our consciousness is one of the outcomes of evolutionary bio-chemistry: it has happened once, it probably has happened before, and it will happen again. Thus the human mind is not the final outcome of evolution, but one of many. And if we strip ourselves of our arrogance, perhaps, there could be outcomes for a much more profound self aware existence hidden in the deep depths of the evolutionary process. Our self awareness is shaped in large part by our senses, but those senses reveal just a tiny fraction of the universe.

Imagine a creature evolved with much more developed senses: to see not only the light of the sun, or the sound of the world around it, but also to sense the photon of that very sun light, and to sense the divergent and convergent waves of sound; or a creature that watches an apple fall from a tree and can actually sense the gravity that pulls that apple down: imagine: the profound type of consciousness that arises from the depths of those senses. Would that conscious mind also seek meaning and reason to fill the void, a void that such an evolved creature can experience beyond anything we can ever dare to imagine? For if we can only see a fraction of the light and a fraction of the darkness, a much more evolved creature not only sees more light then we do, but much more darkness, and perhaps a greater need to fill that darkness with meaning, purpose, religion, a god.

Maybe god is an outcome of the conscious mind that itself is an arbitrary outcome of an evolutionary process which in itself just a natural outcome from the combination of the basic fundamental laws of our current universe in its current state.

Untitled Poem written in 1996

2009-02-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

She shifts through the ashes of sorrow,

searching for something to make the flame burn bright once more.

The deeper she searched the more her heart gave way,

to the images of a flame that burned bright in her head.

Now there she laid dead amongst the ashes,

and the night breeze whispered in sadness;

but there was a smile on her face, and wide open were her eyes,

staring at a beautiful bright flame of a distant star in the night sky.

Unfinished Poem started in 2008

2009-02-15T18:17:00.000-08:00

Life in the mind of the young is infinite.

Time blunts the infinite edge.

When words first take power, they describe the world around us.

When words first fail us, they reveal the world beyond us.

Evolution Part 1

2008-12-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

The universe is a recursive fractal pattern.

Bad things and Good People

2008-11-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

Why do bad things happen to good people? This is assuming that the universe works to favor the good and the bad only deserve bad fortune; but we know that isn't true because the universe doesn't work for us, we live in it, and we live by the chaos that is the singular constant of the universe.

So what does daddy say to little Timmy right after hearing the news that Timmy's mom died in a plane crash? God wanted mommy in heaven and hoping Timmy doesn't start to think god is this selfish prick that took away mommy, 'cause isn't god all powerful so why does god even need mommy?'. Or maybe daddy is buddhist and says to Timmy that karma took the plane down, that in her past life mommy did something really bad to deserve a fate as violent as a plane crash, 'cause when a plane is plummeting to the ground, it can take a while, maybe a minute or two, and if mommy's heart didn't give out before she hit the ground, she had maybe two-three minutes to contemplate her mortality for the last time, or maybe mommy just screamed in mind numbing fear all the way down, screamed during that long long long fall from the sky. How bad was mommy in her past life to deserve that kind of death, and would Timmy still love mommy, would Timmy shed a tear, if she was a real fucking bitch in her past life? Or maybe 'shit just happens Timmy', daddy says. 'Shit just happens, and sometimes it happens to you or someone you know and it sucks, but you try to deal with it. Shit happened to me ten years ago when you were conceived accidentally one drunken condom-less night. I had to marry mommy cause mommy's dad is a powerful and religious man and well known in society, so no abortion and a quick wedding was the only answer. I didn't hate mommy, I was very fond of her, but she was not the one I was meant to marry, but shit happens, and I had to deal with it, I stayed married to your mommy and took care of you both like this is what I actually wanted. Sometimes you get what you want, but most of the time you don't. You understand that kid? That's a good boy,' as daddy ruffles Timmy's hair and then gives him a hug.

Maybe sometimes good things happen to good people too, not that the universe actually favors the good and punishes the bad, only humans do that to each other.

Chapter Twenty

2008-04-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

" 'Was it really true that one could never change?' ... Had it been merely vanity that had made him do his one good deed? ... Or that passion to act a part that makes us do things finer then we are ourselves.

'Yet it was his duty to confess, to suffer public shame, and to make public atonement. There was a God who called upon men to tell their sins to earth as well as to heaven. Nothing he could do would cleanse him till he had told his own sin. ... Had there been nothing more in his renunciation then that? ... No. There had been nothing more. Through vanity he had spared her. In hypocrisy he had worn the mask of goodness. For curiosity's sake he had tried the denial of self.

'When they entered they found, hanging upon the wall, a splendid portrait of their master as they had last seen him, in all the wonder of his exquisite youth and beauty. Lying on the floor was a dead man, in even dress, with a knife in his heart. He was withered, wrinkled and loathsome of visage. It was not till they had examined the rings that they recognized who it was.' "

- Oscar Wilde, 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' (selected quotes from the last chapter)

'One has to pay dearly for immortality; one has to die several times while one is still alive.'

-Friedrich Nietzsche, 'Beyond Good and Evil'

If one is to the gain the wisdom of the immortal God, then oneself: their identity, vanity, faith, ideology, virtues and vices, morality and immorality, must die several times while still alive. Then reborn are we to explore the world upon a different path, and once again at the end of that journey we die another death. Forever the cycle, as forever as the infinite universe. At the end of eternity, the soul's accumulation of knowledge will be final, and then from the last death, the soul, will be reborn a new God, a new universe, into which we are born again to once again begin another eternal journey of self exploration.